Joke jokes
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
I would make a joke about 9/11, but it has a tendency to crash and burn.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What planet did Hitler hate the most?
Jewpiter.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.