Joke jokes

My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

What happens when a clock is hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

What is red and looks like a zebra?

My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.

If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but it has a tendency to crash and burn.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."