Joke jokes
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?
One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"