Joke jokes

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

What do you call the whole population turning into emos?

The Great Depression.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

What is an alien's favourite chocolate?

A Mars bar.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

What's the best part about a dead prostitute?

The second hour is free.

The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.

It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.

Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!

A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...