Joke jokes

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

Why was ten scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."

Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

How do you know when Helen Keller is home?

Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

A horse walks into a bar.

Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉