Joke jokes
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?
Only one is wanted.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.