Joke jokes
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?
Only one is wanted.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.