Joke jokes

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

Why was ten scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."

Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

It's not pedophilia, it's early access.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?

When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...

Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Turns out Christopher was adopted.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉

A horse walks into a bar.

Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!

Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.

Person 1: Really?

Person 2: They're not even that deep.