Joke jokes
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
Memes
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.