What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
Joke Jokes
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
