Joke jokes

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You said that you would never forget!

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

What's the difference between orphans and cotton?

Cotton gets picked.

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

What do you call a creepy IT teacher?

A PDF file.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.