Joke jokes
I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
Yo forehead so big, NASA needed it for the new planet, stupid!
Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower for 20 minutes after she heard a DIRTY JOKE!
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"