Joke jokes

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.

Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?

A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.