Joke jokes

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

What's missing in an orphanage computer?

"The motherboard."

Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?

A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.