Joke jokes

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.