Joke jokes
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.