Joke jokes
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
Memes
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.