Joke jokes

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.