Joke Jokes

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?

A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.