Joke jokes

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.