Joke jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?
The tomato gets picked.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head N Shoulders.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What’s an orphan's favorite drink?
Fosters.