Joke jokes
Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?
He couldn't get up the kerb.
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
I got hit with a can of soda.
It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?