Joke jokes
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
What do you call a cow without any legs?
Ground beef!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "I'm." "I'm who?" "I'm a joke!"
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.