Joke jokes
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
What music scares balloons?
Pop music.
Why would the banana scream "ouch?"
Because it is getting peeled.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Mississippi girls are missing a "pp."
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.