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Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

Perfect dinner joke.

Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!

Sign a comment and put me or anything else to protest about!

Good luck, Jake.

At least 32 people hate orphan jokes.

And I thank all the people who participate in this protest.

Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!