Joke jokes

I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.

Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

Hey Hunter, Thomas here.

Why did the plane cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he doesn't have parents.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

This isn’t a joke, but my name [is] Mr. Cheese.

Villager: KNOCK KNOCK

Steve: Who's there?

Villager: I'm not talking anymore.

Steve: I'm not talking anymore who?

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one!

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?

Durrrrrrrr.

Johnny, make a joke. The joke is you because Little Johnny has a sense of humor because you're an idiot.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"