I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his parents.
Oasis, am I right?
You. You're a joke.
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
