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Joke

Joke jokes

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.

Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______

New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."

Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What did the traffic light say to the other?

"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.

The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.

The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.

LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"