How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
Joke Jokes
What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
Yo momma so stupid, she wrote this joke!
Why can't an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because the chip was family size.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?
You can roast chicken.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
