All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
Joke Jokes
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.