Joke jokes
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?