I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Joke Jokes
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Bananana!
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.