What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Joke Jokes
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.