Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
Joke Jokes
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
You. You're the joke.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.