Joke jokes
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?
To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Eggs
You crack me up!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke!
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...