Job jokes
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."
Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,
"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."
And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!