Job jokes
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
What do you call an Indian gravedigger?
Digdeep.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.