Job jokes
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
I lick poo for a living... You?
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors. It’s a job I can see myself doing.
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.
She handed her an application through the mirror.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.