Job jokes

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?

Suicide.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?

Because they are not going to work.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

What do you call an Indian gravedigger?

Digdeep.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.