Job jokes

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?

Suicide.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.