Job jokes

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

Literally the most popular job: YouTube.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?

Because it’s a family company.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!

His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

His boss told him: "You suck."

And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

XD

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.