Job jokes

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?

Because they are not going to work.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

What do you call an Indian gravedigger?

Digdeep.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.