A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
I lick poo for a living... You?
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Interviewer: What are your strengths?
Interviewee: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: And your weaknesses?
Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
Why can't orphans get a job? Because they don't have a home.
What is a gay man's favorite job? a blowjob
Am I a guard or a guava?
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Bob the builder.
