Job jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?

Because they are not going to work.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

What do you call an Indian gravedigger?

Digdeep.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.