Job jokes
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
:/
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.