Job jokes
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
What is a Care Bear's favorite job?
Take care of bears.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
What state do miners hate?
Oregon.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.