Job jokes
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.