Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
