Job jokes

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.