Job jokes

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

Jobs,

50 shapes head.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

Why did the booty get a job?

To make ends meet!

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.