Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
