Job jokes

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?