Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
