Jail jokes
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?
I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"
Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?
But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!
Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Warning! Cringe Alert!
What happens when you leave your phone at jail?
It becomes a cell phone.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police.
And he wound up in prison.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
Jorden Calerendiá.
I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.