Jail jokes
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
Why did the person go to jail? He committed a crime.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.