it's jokes

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.

The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”

So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.

The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.

The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.

The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.

The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.

While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”

I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't make it to home.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Zion is so big, when he walks it's an earthquake.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

I went to a muffler party... it was exhausting!

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

Yo momma is so dumb that she couldn't even get three words into this joke. Maybe that's why she gave it a thumb's down...