it's jokes

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A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything.

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Why did the pillow go to court?

Because it had a pillowcase!

I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.

My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?

Bro, your head is so big that it shines so bright, it turns into a lightbulb.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?

Because nobody is looking for them.

One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

Mom: "No you can't..."

Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.

How many emos does it take to fix a light?

I don't know because they never came down.

My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔

Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.