it's jokes
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
Fat puro
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use, you wouldn't get it.
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Why do all orphans have an iPhone X?
Because it doesn't have a home button.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
Why is 10 scared?
Because it is in the huddle of 9/11.
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.