it's jokes

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

How did Santa fit down the chimney?

He buttered it.

I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?

The white guy did it!

Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.

Now why was 10 afraid? Because it was in the middle of 9-11.

What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?

Dark humor.

Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow? So it could have sweet dreams.

Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."