it's jokes
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Dark humor is like water. It exists.
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
You soak balls, get it?
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.
What color is Stephen Hawking's house?
It's a bungalow.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Stephen.
Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."
Why do orphans like water?
Cuz they drink it ;)
Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.
Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?
Kid 2: Why?
Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.
You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Well, you don't have to cry about it, Gary.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
Your head is so small, even a fly could eat it.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.