it's jokes

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?

Perform fellatio on gay men.

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he's not coming.

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

Why can't the orphan get the big bag of chips?

Because it's family-size.

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cold.

Cold who?

"It is cold out here!"

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry, it's just a joke."

What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?

"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"

Why did the orphan go outside the school?

Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."