it's jokes

Attraction

    • When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

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    • Monkey

    • This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

    An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

    His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

    He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

    "MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

    "I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

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    • Snail

    • A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

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    • Muffin

    • One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

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    • Dead Baby

    • What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

    What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

    What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

    What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

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    • Baby

    • How many babies does it take to light up a basement? I don't know, my basement is still dark.

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    • Prank

    • So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

    Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

    Milk

    • Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"

    Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."

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