it's jokes
Want to hear a joke?
My life. Get it?
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
Why can't a t-rex clap?
Because it's dead.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
Let me tell you a pun. Never mind, it's tearable.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!