it's jokes
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?
It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.
It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).
What do you call it when Panera is over?
Panera end.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.