IT jokes
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.