IT jokes

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

Your hairline's so far back, even Andrew Tate rejected it.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

Why do mountains never rest?

Because it’s ever-est.

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!

What is the difference between white people and coal?

It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.