IT jokes
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.