IT jokes
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home.
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.