IT jokes
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was too tired!! 😴😴😴
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?