IT jokes
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
"What time is it?"
"Daytime."
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Why do orphans air?
It’s invisible just like their parents.
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Yo mama so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Guys, stop joking about 9/11. It's just plane wrong.
It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.
Why was the entire population emo in the 1920s?
Because it was the Great Depression.
Your forehead is so big that I could draw the map of the world on it.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪