New Intelligence Jokes - Page 14

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

All dumbs aren't blonde.

How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.

What do you call a smart blonde?

Nonexistent.

Why was the Koala Bear so clever?

Because he had good koalifications!!!

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

The cabinet had sleeping pills.

Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.

You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?

Leg day.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.

The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.

The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,

"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,

"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”