Sans: What am I using?
A trom-bone!
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
