INS jokes
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
When you try to sneak something
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.