INS jokes

Angel

    • Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

    The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

    The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

    The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

    The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

    They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

    The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

    "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

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    • INS memes

    Teacher

    • One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

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    • Suicide

    • So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

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    • Job

    • Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

    Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

    Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

    Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

    Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

    Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

    Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

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    • Daughter

    • Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

    Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

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    • Epilepsy

    • My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

  • 21

    • Porn

    • A: Why are you so sad?

    B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

    A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

    B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

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    • Ex

    • My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

    Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

  • 1

    • Hockey

    • Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

    It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

  • 6

    • Demon

    • When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

    But they know you're blind.

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