INS jokes
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
“Who are the fastest readers in the world?”
“The 9/11 pilots, they did 30 stories in 7 seconds.”
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.
Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?
Figure: Because your name is in seeker.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
If you're Canadian in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?
European.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!