INS jokes
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.