INS jokes
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Yo mama so fat,
She doesn't fit in a Titan's mouth.
(Attack on Titan; Shingeki no Kyojin)
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."